When we are parsimonious in our praise or affirmation of our family, partners or friends, the vitality and well-being of the relationship remains cloaked. And we become constrained by the loveless energy of the relationship. This tendency may be due in part to the senseless win-lose paradigm from which many of us operate. When we keep score of the insults or offenses we’ve endured, we become loathe to be emotionally generous. Our thought might be, “Why should I be kind when they are so mean to me?” This kind of thinking is the core of the problem. It underscores the competitive nature of what should be a loving, compassionate relationship.
If you seek to win the irony is you lose. After all, your goal of winning means the other individual has to lose. How do you think that’ll work out? You’ve restricted yourself to an imprisoning relationship, which assures you both lose. If you really want to succeed, step forward and shift the energy by communicating any good feelings or perceptions you may have. Positive attitude has a ripple effect and should enhance your mutual feelings for one another.