Mel Schwartz, LCSW

#004: Getting Past the Argument — Why Is It So Important to Be Right?

The compulsion to be “right,” the need to win the argument, can be mind-numbing. This tendency withers our relationships.

Mel Schwartz asks the question, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”

Mel has observed that people always respond with the word “happy,” but quickly default to wanting to be right.

As the battle ensues, we compete rather than cooperate; argue rather than empathize.

In this fourth episode of The Possibility Podcast with Mel Schwartz, Mel provides a technique he developed called The Five Percent Rule. It’s designed to help us break free from the invalidation that occurs when we don’t listen to each other.

The Five Percent technique enables us to to actually listen and validate some of what each party says, which shifts the tide from acrimony toward collaboration.

Mel also teaches us how we can learn to respond rather than react. He suggests that when we learn to see our reaction, we no longer need to become that reaction.

Also in this episode, Mel demonstrates his approach as he helps caller Claire from Connecticut through the process of letting go of her reactivity as she learns a new way of communicating.

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