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Designing your life - inner design

Designing Your Life – From the Inside Out

Designing your life - inner designThroughout our life most of our attention is focused on matters that are pertinent to us since they impact us significantly. When we were young we concerned ourselves with what sports to play, what colleges to apply to, what major to select- and as time went by- what job to pursue and perhaps where we wanted to live.

Of course, a good deal of our attention may have been directed toward our romantic life. The pursuit of the ideal partner and then, of course, the not atypical roller coaster ride of the relationship itself. The questions and decisions never cease. Should we stay together, should we marry, should we have children? Where’s the wedding venue, who’s on the guest list? And, oh, what about the honeymoon plans? Should we buy or rent? How many hours will we spend around decorating decisions, car purchases and vacation plans? And so it goes. As does our life. In spite of all these deliberations we tend to fall short of deeper gratification and happiness. Why is that?

I’ll be happy when?

Our thoughts incline toward the peripheral facets of our life as we draft the outer architectural plans for our goals and visions. These are undoubtedly important decisions-but if our external gaze overwhelms our inner awareness-we’re living an unconscious life. And that will catch up to us. Life is far more complex and nuanced than we might have imagined. No matter whether we may accomplish our goals our fulfillment often lags behind. But what might happen if we paid ample attention to crafting our inner architecture- the architecture of our mind?
The quality of our life experience is primarily informed by our beliefs and thoughts. They truly write the script of our life’s narrative. What do they tell you? Are your thoughts your ally or do they limit or even worse, belittle you? What do you believe about yourself in regard to others? Do you overly concern yourself with what other people think of you? If so, your self-esteem is not what it should be.

What are my thoughts telling me?

Do you worry about making mistakes? This fear will keep you from truly experiencing the vibrancy of life. How do you see yourself in your closest relationships? Are you comfortable being vulnerable and revealing your authentic self? Do you identify as a people pleaser or are you more inclined to act angrily? Are you reactive or reflective, passive or assertive? The answers to these questions speak to your inner architecture, the landscape of your beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This inner sanctum sits in the director’s chair of your experiences and relationships and inform the very quality of your life.

The dramas and struggles that we encounter are most often a mirror of our relationship with our own self. Feeling stuck is altogether common, but it’s not O.K to remain stuck. If we learn to develop a mastery of our thinking and detox our mind of limiting habitual thoughts and their accompanying feelings, we become conscious and mindful. This heightened level of consciousness enables a well-lived life as our inner architecture guides our journey. Your internal experience is the lens through which you see and therefore experience your life. Focus more on your inner processes and your outer world will take care of itself.

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Our Quest for Significance

 What would it feel like to live your life with a deep sense of meaning and purpose?  Many of us long for this, but sadly few of us achieve it. Some of us never even consider this question. With few exceptions, most people are diminished due to feeling insignificant. The days turn into years in the blink of eye as we play out our scripted role in a robotic way. But who is writing that script?

We are scripting life life, although not knowingly. We become wed to our responsibilities— to our routines— and to the maddening predictability of life as we come to believe that there are few alternatives. So, we metaphorically shrug and surrender to not living the life we might have hoped for. The malaise that ensues contributes to our epidemic of depression and a host of other disorders.

We struggle in our quest for significance for a number of reasons:

1We weren’t schooled or raised, for the most part, to consider the question of what kind of life we’d like to live. We become focused on grades, colleges, jobs, marriage and children. These are all dearly important matters, but we omit the most vital consideration. The question we should be asking is: How would I like to experience my life? This inquiry prompts us to become the author of our life script, rather than just a character living out the already written plot.

2) We never learned how to overcome fear. The powerful cultural message that mandates us to avoid making mistakes, deprives us from living a fuller, richer life. The corralling of our beliefs into accepting that we shouldn’t take risks or step out of line, imprisons us into a numbing conformity. Living this way causes us to feel insignificant.

3We lose the capacity to be truly alive, conscious in the moment and making choices that reflect our deeper, intuitive wisdom. To feel significant requires a sense of being truly present in the moment enabling you to make choices that truly serve your higher purpose.

So how do we overcome these limitations?

 We need to live from a new game plan. To feel significant implies that you matter and that your empowered choices can better your life and those around you. The starting place for this shift is to free yourself from the grip of certainty and predictability. When our thoughts become wed to needing to know the future in advance, we become cogs in the machinery of our life. Significance require aliveness, as we become alert to our power to choose differently.  Being stuck in the groove of predictability is life defeating.

The new sciences are informing us that reality isn’t deterministic or certain, but awash with uncertainty. Rather than recoil from the notion of uncertainty, we should paradoxically welcome it. Think of it this way: uncertainty=possibilities. When you embrace the uncertain, you can ride the waves of your change process. This also enables us to release fear. Typically, fear is the consequence of needing to know the future in advance, which induces anxiety. Welcoming the unknown allows fear to dissipate.

This new perspective frees you to find meaning and purpose in your life as any moment can be full of new opportunities. Rather than seeing yourself as the victim of circumstances, you must rethink your life. No longer reduced to your past, to your constraints, you enter into the process of your becoming. Moving from an inert condition of being to a flowing process of becoming ushers in significance as every moment becomes alive with choices, free from fear. Living your life with significance is a great gift to yourself and all those you touch, as you develop a greater purpose in living.

 

Please check out my TEDx talk: Overcoming Anxiety 

Upcoming Online Workshops

 

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Rethinking Anxiety

rethinking anxietyWhen a dysfunction such as anxiety – or depression, for that matter – becomes so commonplace, we must turn to our culture, which is our aggregate way of living, and examine how and why it’s producing such distress. Those suffering from anxiety are often simply mirroring an overwrought, anxiety-laden way of living. Turning the victim into the problem makes no sense at all. Such a preponderance of people suffering in this way must be a reflection of the effects of enduring an incongruous, if not insane, way of living, fostered by our prevailing worldview. In effect, the way that we are living produces this tragic result.

It is essential to address the underlying causes and not simply suppress the symptoms. The difficulty is that in our quick fix mentality, we believe that if we can quiet the symptoms, all is well. This may benefit the pharmaceutical-psychiatry industry, but not those so afflicted. We must come to see anxiety not as the enemy but as an expression of our struggle in adapting to a way of living that actually imperils us. From this vantage, anxiety is paradoxically sensible as we are reacting to conditions that are toxic. The anxiety can be seem similarly to a fever, which is simply a call to attention that all is not well. So the irony is that by medicating our symptoms away, we ensure continued suffering, for the struggle is never resolved toward a breakthrough; it is merely placated.

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What Do We Mean by Death, and How Does that Impact Our Lives?

DeathWe recently announced a new feature at A Shift of Mind called the Question of the Week. The following is my response to Sherin, who wrote:

“You have said a lot to help people rethink how to live. Since we die a little every day, can you comment on what might happen when we die. If there is nothing or something then that must impact on how we live?”

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