Relationships
Most marriages are relatively unhappy. More than half end in divorce and it appears that the majority of intact marriages are less than joyful. Only a small percentage of relationships and marriages actually thrive. This represents a staggering rate of failure. Why do we permit this? We would never tolerate this rate of failure in our financial investments or businesses. Indeed, if marriage were a corporation it would be bankrupt.
-Mel Schwartz
The Art of Intimacy, The Pleasure of Passion
To enter into relationships and play by the same rules that produce such disappointment is mindless. It is the very system of relationship that needs to be rewritten. Many of us personalize our relationship difficulties and think there’s something wrong with us. There isn’t.The problem is that we were never schooled in the subject of relationship. This vital learning was omitted from our educational curriculum. We endure countless years of formal education to prepare us for happy and productive lives. But not a single class in the most essential coursework. So, we have remained illiterate in the art of relationship.Mel’s work in the area of relationships is devoted toward illuminating the insights and skills to enable joyful relating. He is widely recognized as a leading thinker and innovator in relationship work. Mel has integrated learning from a vast array of disciplines in developing his multi-faceted approach to relationships. A cornerstone of his work is founded in the belief that our relationships with others are a mirror of our relationship with ourselves.The largest obstacles to intimate relationships are fear and insecurity. These are core derivatives of self-esteem issues, which prevent us from presenting our authentic and vulnerable self in the relationship. If we’re not comfortable in presenting our vulnerable being to our partner, then what are we offering? Most likely, a defended and masked version of us. In such circumstances we’re not giving our partners what they need and it’s more than likely they won't be giving us what we need either.Issues of right and wrong that people engage in block the opportunity for clarity if not resolution. When I work with couples, I often find myself asking them if they’d rather be happy or they’d rather be right. Although everyone claims that they prefer happiness, they default to the fight about right or wrong. It’s essential that we break free from this mindless habit, if we’re to thrive in relationship.The solutions to relationship struggles lie in learning the art of listening. The gift of dialogue, of truly hearing one another and validating your partner’s point of view, even if you’re not in agreement provides the foundation for an intimate exchange. The loss off intimacy is at the heart of relationship difficulties.Relationship ArticlesAbout Mel SchwartzThe Art of Intimacy, The Pleasure of Passion |
